I like long hugs. Long hugs feel less like hand shakes, automatic formalities. Because most hugs are brief, long ones stand out. Long hugs give me the time to disengage from an autopilot state that I may be in because you are a new person and it’s either run on autopilot (sophisticated as it may be) or be actively anxious and self-conscious. Long hugs give me the time to disengage from a flow state instigated by good, comforting conversation with you that works because you’re familiar and I may be kinda trust that you care about me. Disengaging from these states allows me to feel it, remember it, appreciate it in real time.
If I can understand some one, I will want to. If I do understand some one, I can usually find a way to love them. Sure, I understand people in general in a way that gives me predictive power- I quickly pick up on people’s psychological programs, but I usually don’t know why they have those programs. Sure, I can guess, but the details of where they came from at what stage of life are typically buried deep. Are you capable of functioning consciously, applying critical thought in novel ways? That takes time to observe. Do I need to observe self-awareness to experience love? I don’t think so. Do I need to observe self-awareness to experience understanding and compassion? Definitely not. Do I need to have understanding or feel compassion to appreciate the innocent physical intimacy of a long hug? I do not.
Attention is a competitive sport. How does one gain the advantage? Long hugs are a good start. But what if every one starts with the long hugs? Then they’ll be trivialized like the short hugs and the hand shakes. Were short hugs once some thing special? Staying ahead of the curve: why not skip straight to friendly oral sex with your greetings and partings? That’ll give you an advantage for a few years at least. But what about hierarchy of intimacy? What about sexually transmitted infections? Public oral sex is an ordeal; others are sure to catch on to your game. This will not do. None of this will do. Per haps elimination of the competition is key. Humiliate them. Kill them. Step on their quivering shoulders to raise your own desirability. What can you see from up there?
A desert. A dried up husk of desperation and fear. How can you win? What have you done? All you wanted was to be cared for. To be remembered. Now this. Now this wake of bodies and broken dreams. And the voices. The voices won’t stop, so you can not stop. ‘Felicia prowls your turf,’ they whisper. ‘Jason is slowly seducing away your Erika,’ they warn. So helpful. So sinful. The light goes out on dry tears.
See? Attachment is bad. The key to healthy relationships is surrendering to the lie that we are not categorizing-driven brains. There is no competition (of course this is a lie). Care is about their pleasure and delight, not yours. If they don’t care back, it does not cheapen your care. If you take back your care because they do not care back, it cheapens your care, which is really only useful for self-reflection because you owe no thing to those who break contract. EMBRACE IMPERMANENCE, and embrace me for a while at least because-
I like long hugs}:<) )