Artists are not the only folks who can use a good muse. Every one can use inspiration. I have realized that my girl friends in the past have served as proper muses for my art, but most of the time only technically, or by proxy. Love and affection fuels my whole life, as it does for most people. It makes me happier, less likely to feel bored and uninterested in my hobbies, and more likely to enjoy my day. The tricky part is that, in particular, love and affection have been known to inspire me to my purpose, and I fell in to a trap in which I practically felt like I had no purpose without a romantic bond. Dangerous!
There are of course other means of inspiration, and a practically infinite source of them, as our psychological habits determine what inspires us and what does not, and our psychological state- our personality- is malleable. Right now I am reinstalling American McGee’s Alice: Madness Returns on my new hard drive because that series (the first one is included. Woo!) was a huge inspiration to the atmosphere and setting of the larger part of my fiction writing, and, despite being more comfortable labeling my self a musician, my story-telling is the center of my purpose. I find the game play to be compelling, the combat system of the second one to be a perfect balance of technical and flowing, and the art imaginative. Most importantly, though, the world is dreamy, surreal, inspiring, and lonely. Alice communicates with other characters, and the White Rabbit and Cheshire Cat seem to want to help her, but they are bizarre characters that she could never be able to relate to. The world of Alice’s mind is dangerous, unpredictable, and devoid of solid logic, and yet I feel at home in it.
To put things in to perspective, I rarely find single-player video games immersive these days, and in my real life loneliness is a serious fear. I do typically find comfort in being alone with my art projects, but it may come down to a matter of loving being alone when it is a choice, and hating being alone when I have no one’s attention to deny.
Just a moment. Robbie Rob’s eighties rock ballad ‘In Time’ came up in my play list, and I feel compelled to rock out. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, any one?
Right so the play of list anon returneth once again to the song of the most worthy and worship minstrel hight Gary Hughes! It is not a matter of the grass being greener. Being in a romantic relationship does not make me want to be out of one. Having friends who often call me does not make me wish that I did not have them. Per haps it is only a matter of feeling like, if I am not being contacted daily for the sake of sharing company or thoughts, I am unwanted and so should use my time to become wanted again. But this is foolish. It is not an issue of lack of contacts, and it is rather convenient for others to wait on my call verses the opposite. This way I get no unexpected distractions! Enjoying those distractions does equate to them being necessary for a happy life style.
In order to fulfill my purpose, I must utilize a lot of time being a lone in constructive ways. In order to do that, I must be able to embrace alone time and feel inspired. I want to be able to do this, regardless of my overall social situation. How do I accomplish this, despite my brain patterns? Like I said, I am going to try delving in to a world that rewards a certain lonely feeling with wonder and awe. Like an Abrahamic follower before its god, in love with and alienated before an entity that it couldn’t possibly understand, I will turn to a world of dreams. BAM! ULTRA SIMILE!
If my hypothesis proves theory, I might even read Lewis Carroll’s books again. Per haps I should get back in to lucid dreaming practice, and try harder to remember my dreams. They kept me alive and inspired as an awkward, young, and lonely teenager. Where’s that fear and wonder now? Well, okay. The fear part can stay in the past. Erhem. And of course I feel like taking comfort in one’s own world of imagination should help any one, but of course we are not all inspired by the same things, and it does not always work. Some times I am able to inspire my self in simple ways. Just the other day I woke up depressed, recorded some vocals for a couple hours, and came out of it feeling remarkably in tune and satisfied. That does not work every day. Some days I can not even bring my self to route the mic. Some times listening to my old music inspires me to work on my new music, but usually not. Some times reading my old writing helps, but that takes a lot of time and often makes me feel like I am wasting too much time on the inspiration process while it will only serve a much shorter amount of inspired time. The same problem occurs with observing the stories and songs of others. The adventurous elements of exploring Skyrim has helped me, but any one who has played that game, especially with its wide variety of survival and realism mods, can easily eat up your whole week.
The balance between soaking up inspiration and spending that inspiration is a difficult one for the generally unhappy person. I know many tricks that work for me and may work for you, but no surefire methods for either of our cases. Listening to a happy song when I feel sad, listening to a powerful song when I feel weak, listening to an energetic song when I feel tired. Love and affection and an orderly life seem to work the best, but we can not rely on these things. We can not rely on the personal time of other people in order to fulfill our purpose, nor can we trust in the idea that our life will not go out of order. Since I have found my self becoming necessarily obsessed with this problem, I am moved to not only find what works but what works best and in the healthiest manner. For the sake of happy living, per haps taking inspiration from any external source is not the best method.
I shall expand on my hypothesis here. Per haps reconnecting with Alice’s inner world will help me reconnect to my own. My dreams were the original source for my writing, and even for many of my songs. That is the first part. The second is recording my thoughts like this. I am remembering as I type this that I gain a particular satisfaction from organizing my thoughts in to type that seems applicable here. The third is remembering how to smile in to the chaos. The third is remaining confident in my identity and my purpose despite every thing. The third is the ability to say in confidence, ‘Yeah. I am broke, I might hate any job I ever get, it might take way too long to get my own stable place of residence, and there’s no telling who will come in and out of my life and how long their stay will be, but I still like who I am and am willing to take any and all difficulties as challenges to overcome,’ and then laugh hysterically at the moon for as long as is necessary. More importantly than feeling connected with others, we must feel comfortable by our selves. Our true homes are our own minds, and, if we are not comforted in there, comfort will always be fleeting from us!
I once made a desk top wall paper that is still in the rotation that I simply titled ‘Chants’. In fanciful and amateur design, it reads:
Do Not Worry
Let the Madness Flow
Don’t Overwhelm Your Self
So, if I have any solid advice to give in this post, it is to refrain from using free time to worry, do innocent things that make you feel powerful, adopt a whimsical attitude of unity with others, realize that ‘we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy’ (thanks, Seal!), take life one step at a time, and smile and laugh- not to hide your true feelings, but to encourage good feelings! Practice makes better!
Also, a quick shout out to Johnny Foreplay, Illation, and any one else who might have shared my last post, as doing so appears to have increased the viewing of a single post of mine to about fifty views above average. If you like the word, spread the word! There’s also an email subscription box at the bottom of the page. You have my word that your inbox will not be spammed with pictures of cats and videos of weirdos twerking.